A few months ago, Business Insider published the results of a survey they completed that highlighted what Americans thought about their 50 states.
The questions asked in the survey ranged from mildly offensive, such as, “Which state has the weirdest accent,” to the more flattering, “What state has the best food.” Not surprisingly, Texas was ranked highest in several categories.
Unfortunately, those rankings weren’t exactly something you’d want to write home about. Unless, of course, your “home” isn’t located in Texas (AKA the promise land) and, in that case, I’ll add you to my prayer request list.
Anyway, when the respondents were asked the following two questions from the survey: “Which state is your least favorite” and “Which state would you like to see kicked out of America,” Texas won the most votes in each category by an alarming margin.
What can you say? Haters gonna hate.
If, as a Texan, you find the results of the survey upsetting, read “10 Reasons Why Texans Love Texas” and it will help ease the pain. If it doesn’t, you can release all that pain and anger like a true Texan, which involves running around in circles outside, while simultaneously shooting your 9mm pistol (Texas edition) into the air.
I mean, don’t all Texans ignorantly run around with guns at all hours of the day and have horses that they use as transportation to work and/or school? No? Wow…who would have thought those exaggerated stereotypes weren’t actually true?
Naturally, there are some positive stereotypes about Texas (i.e. “Everyone in Texas is friendly” — definitely true, btw), but many are anything but positive. Just by looking at the results from Business Insider’s national survey, tells you that there isn’t a whole lot of love for Texas.
So, y’all, what gives? Are y’all jealous or something?
With over 26 million people living in Texas, you couldn’t possibly be so ignorant to think that we all fall under the same famous stereotypes? I mean, just because I have a George Bush shrine at the foot of my bed, and sleep with a shotgun nestled between my legs, doesn’t mean all those other stereotypes are correct.
Here are five Texas stereotypes that we’re going to analyze today and, hopefully, it will give you a better understanding of America’s most precious member of the Union.
Texas Stereotypes #1: No Indians, Just Cowboys
All Texans are cowboys who drive over-sized trucks and talk with unbearably thick accents. Isn’t that right, y’all? According to the following poll, yes.
Believe it or not, but I actually do not have a Texas/southern accent, I drive a Nissan SUV (aka a mom car), and I definitely do not fit the standard definition of a “cowboy.”
Naturally, there are plenty of truck-driving cowboys who take five minutes to say one sentence because of their Texas draw, but I’m not one of them. God love ’em, but that just isn’t me. What can I say? My momma didn’t let me grow up to be a cowboy.
Texas Stereotypes #2: Give Me All the BBQ
The only things Texans eat is BBQ (chicken, brisket, squirrel, etc.) and Mexican food (tacos).
Let me ask you something, do you eat meat? (If you answered “No,” you’ll automatically be added to the prayer request list that was mentioned in the beginning of this article.) If you’re a meat eater, and happen to live in the highest-rated BBQ producing state in America, would you eat anything else? I don’t think so.
Except Mexican food…you can’t forget about Mexican food. Texas has some of the best Tex-Mex and margaritas that you can find anywhere this side of the border*. Don’t believe me? Your momma probably just dropped you on your head more than the normal amount while you were growing up. No big deal; we all have our own cross to bear.
*Note: Do not go looking on the other side of the border — you’ll probably (definitely) get murdered by angry cartel members.
Texas Stereotypes #3: Seven Plus Four is Eight
We are all uneducated, closed-minded bigots.
When bitter, non-Texans attempt to use this stereotype against me, I just start listing off things, such as how Texas has the largest and most renowned medical center in the world (Texas Medical Center).
The fact that Texas’ gross state product (GSP) of over $1.2 trillion is comparable to entire countries (i.e. India and Canada) and that Texas’ economy is larger than Mexico and all the Central American countries combined. Bien hecho, Tejas!
As for the “uneducated” Texas stereotypes, you better put on your two-stepping boots for this one; Texas is home to 36 universities — two of which snagged spots in US News and World Report’s “Best Colleges” of 2014.
Oh, and if we’re all bigots, how did Houston’s mayor, Annise Parker, become the United States’ first openly gay mayor of a major U.S. city? She probably snuck in through the cracks…you know how sneaky those homosexuals can be.
Texas Stereotypes #4: Y’all, This Pesto-Infused Squirrel is Delicious
By nature, all Texans use the word “y’all” on a daily basis (including national holidays).
Without a shadow of a doubt, this stereotype is as true as George Strait’s exes all living in Texas. (No squirrels were harmed in the writing of this article…except the one in the picture above; that one is dead.)
Texas Stereotypes #5: Have State Pride or We’ll Shoot Ya
In general, Texans have an abnormal sense of state pride.
Before Texas had a gun put to its head and was forcibly annexed by the United States of America (becoming the 28th state in the Union), Texas was a sovereign nation known as the Republic of Texas. That was many moons ago, circa 1845, but the pride of being a Texan has been passed down from generation to generation.
(Even though my dad is actually from Indiana and my mom isn’t even American, the lineage of pride has been passed down, regardless of the insignificant facts of where my parents were born…just go with it.)
Now 169 years later, we’re still as ridiculously proud of Texas as ever before. Don’t mess with Texas…or we’ll shoot ya (in a friendly way, of course).
If you’re from Texas, and someone tries to bring you down for being Texan, forgive them for being ignorant (it’s not their fault) for they know not what they do.
Instead of letting all those Texas feelings inside you burst, educate the poor ignorant soul on the many reasons why Texas is so awesome. If they still don’t change their opinion, then they’re most likely just jealous. After all, who wouldn’t be?