I’m sure most of you have already heard the heartbreaking news about Justin Bieber’s arrest early Thursday morning in Miami.
Before we move on, please take a moment of silence to reflect over this unfortunate event.
When you’re ready, continue reading.
The “Boyfriend” singer was charged with drunken driving, resisting arrest and driving without a valid license. A fourth charge, ‘being America’s most irritating public figure that ever pissed in a bucket,’ is currently pending, due to an ongoing investigation.
On the bright side, at least he was only drinking and driving in his rented yellow Lamborghini and not doing anything incredibly dangerous. I’m not sure if we, the Beliebers, could forgive him if he was caught texting and driving in a Toyota Prius — that would have been crossing the line.
I know that sometimes it’s hard having compassion for a celebrity like Justin Bieber, but even he needs our sympathy and support during times like this. Regardless of his past indiscretions — i.e. spitting on his fans, vandalizing buildings in foreign countries, egging his neighbor’s home, etc. — we must, as true Beliebers, stay strong during this dark time.
For this very reason, I decided to publicly show my support for Justin Bieber and help the general public see that they should feel the same way with these reasons why we should feel bad for Justin Bieber:
1. His mugshot was shared with the entire world. Even the previously uncontacted natives of the Brazilian rainforest were tweeting about it. How would that make you feel?
Exclusive picture of Justin Bieber shortly after being booked:
2. You can’t expect him to wait until he’s 21 to drink alcohol and drag race cars that cost more than the average American house. I mean, really, who among us hasn’t been caught in leather shorts, drag racing in a rented Lamborghini, while under the influence of alcohol and several different drugs. Not very many.
3. It’s not his fault that he makes bad decisions. It has been well documented that Justin Bieber comes from one of the roughest neighborhoods in Canada.
4. His two best friends’ names are “Lil Twist” and “Lil Za.” We should blame them…for everything. It’s not like you can chose your friends, or who lives in your house with you. It just doesn’t work like that.
5. This is his 38-year-old father, Jeremy Bieber, who frequently parties with his son:
No further comments.
6. People never give him the benefit of the doubt, they just rush to judge him. The video of him peeing in a restaurant’s mop bucket? Fake. The pictures of him vandalizing buildings in Australia and Brazil? Photoshopped. And police in California serving him with a search warrant at his Calabasas home for allegedly egging his neighbor’s home? Completely staged. Get the picture? I think so. #JusticeForBieber
7. As it is true with many celebrities, he didn’t ask for any of this. Do you really think that Justin Bieber wanted to become a well-known singer? I don’t think so. He didn’t practice his singing or guitar playing for more than a decade just to become some global pop icon. Ask yourself this: why do you think he uploaded all his videos to his YouTube account? To be discovered? Again, I don’t think so.
8. It was recently reported that he was “swindled” out of $75,000 at a strip club in Florida, which is probably why he was driving erratically in the first place, because he was upset. I’m sure he was not only tricked into going to the strip club, but was also most likely drugged by the sticky-fingered strippers. I mean, that would explain a lot.
Oh, and by the way, when I say “swindled” I really mean gave up freely.
9. He just went through a breakup. How do you think you would feel if your 2-year relationship with Selena Gomez came to a sudden end? I’d probably throw some eggs at my neighbor’s house too.
P.S. A personal message from me to Selena: “When you’re ready come and get it.”
10. His style of dress makes him vulnerable to haters. Just because someone dresses like a complete idiot, doesn’t mean they should be treated like one. Who hasn’t gone through the gold chains, wife-beater, and pants-to-the-knees stage at least once in their lifetime?
In all seriousness, and even though I hate to admit it, I actually do feel a little bit sorry for Justin Bieber. However, he chose to be in the spotlight and with that spotlight comes all the negative elements as well as the positive ones.
I do hope that the Biebs gets his act together and realizes that driving under the influence and peeing in mop buckets just isn’t ok. If that means he has to spend some time in prison then so be it. Then again, “One Less Lonely Girl” will have a whole new meaning in prison. Better not drop the soap, Justin.