Naturally, we’d all like to see whoever we voted for get elected and I don’t know many people who claim to enjoy being the underdog. Therefore, any unpleasant feelings about Obama’s reelection are completely normal.
Of course we all handle pain and disappointment in different ways and a few of us are more upset than others. Some, such as Donald Trump, will express their displeasure by desperately attempting to be relevant, while others, such as Ann Coulter, will most likely begin writing (yet another) book about why she hates liberals more than everyone else.
The way I decided to handle my ‘underdog’ emotions was to write something upbeat and positive about the situation. After all, there’s nothing anyone can do about the next 4 years, now that America has made her decision, so why not be a good sport about it and have a laugh?
Here are 5 good things about Obama that we should all (both Democrats and Republicans) be grateful and/or excited about. Are they jokes, or are they serious? The world may never know.
Good Things About Obama #1: The Legalization of Marijuana
Politics can be a stressful topic (especially if it’s your line of work) so it shouldn’t be a big surprise that there are Republicans who could easily explain the difference between dro & schwag.
Currently, there are 18 states that allow the use of medical marijuana, but one of the good things about Obama is that list will soon be growing. Isn’t that exciting, mom? I’ve always wanted to become a pothead legally. On Tuesday, for the first time in U.S. history, Americans voted (in Colorado and Washington) for the legalization of recreational marijuana use for adults 21 and over. No medicinal, but recreational, which is a big deal.
So the next time you visit either state, make sure to check out the new “coffee” shops that will inevitably be popping up. Somebody better warn Amsterdam…it’s drug monopoly is coming to an end.
Good Things About Obama #2: No More Swiss Bank Secrets
And when I heard that Obama was challenging Swiss banking giant UBS, I almost sorta very briefly considered voting for him.
Somehow President Obama was able to get the Swiss government to throw out the Swiss banking confidentiality laws and get the names of suspicious account holders.
Once an agreement was made, not only did the U.S. government get access to lists of wealthy Americans (who now owed them big $$ for tax evasion and fines), but Obama also slapped UBS with $780 million in penalties. That’s right y’all; Obama made those greedy bastards pay!
Really all President Obama needs is a pair of green tights and we could call him Robin Hood, president of Sherwood Forrest and the United States of America.
Good Things About Obama #3: Broke Into Social Networking
On Tuesday night, the President tweeted “Four more years”—along with a photo—which has, so far, been retweeted more than 700k times and favored over 250k times.
No other president in history has used social networking sites, such as Twitter, Facebook and even YouTube, to the extent much as President Obama. Did you know that President Obama’s extensive use of social media has earned its very own page on Wikipedia?
This is a win-win no matter which political party you identify with. Now, whenever we get upset about something he’s done, we can either send him angry tweets, or delete/unlike him on Facebook. That never fails at making you feel better, right?
Good Things About Obama #4: He Killed Osama Bin Laden
I’m not supposed to be telling anyone this, but I feel like it’s my duty as an American. It wasn’t a team of highly trained Navy Seals who killed Osama Bin Laden, no, that’s what ‘they’ want you to think.
In reality, it literally was President Obama himself who propelled from a helicopter, into Osama’s backyard and then sent him to meet his maker.
However, President Obama wasn’t alone when he invaded the terrorist’s secret compound in Pakistan. Obviously, he brought Michelle along for backup; she knows karate (and also eats her fruits & vegetables everyday.)
Good Things About Obama #5: More Financial Aid
If you’re one of my loyal readers, you know that I moonlight as a financial aid advisor, so you probably also know how I feel about this subject.
And if you’re not one of my loyal readers, you should reevaluate your priorities and consider getting shenked on a regular basis. At least think about it anyways.
Thanks to President Obama, there will be a need for financial aid advisors, such as myself, far into the future. Obama has increased the maximum amount of the federal Pell grant from $5,550 to $5,975 (by 2017) and also plans to provide 820,000 additional grants to needy students (by 2020). In terms of student loans, Obama has increased those as well and has also began cutting the banks out of the process completely.
This ensures that students aren’t ‘taken advantage of’ and, in the off chance the student is unable to pay back their loans, the government will swoop in and give them assistance. Of course the “assistance” given is only possible thanks to the American taxpayers, but something tells me you already knew that. Basically, President Obama makes it ran for American college students.
Cant Touch This
(imagine how long it took them to do this)
The ‘5 good things about Obama’ list above, is not meant to be taken 100-percent seriously and it should not be used as post-election-day therapy for those upset by the election’s outcome.
If you’re experiencing trouble breathing, have an irregular heartbeat, excessive sweating, amnesia, or bloating, because of the results of the election, please stop playing around on the internet and get some serious help (e.g call your shrink).
If this list has offended you, or if you have concerns over its validity; please send your complaints to ImUpset@shenkitup.com and someone will get back to you shortly…within 24 months.