Here comes the cat lady, you ready?
There are few evergreen topics that almost everyone can either identify with, or laugh at and the subject of cats is one of those topics.
Cats are weird and unpredictable, but what’s scarier are their obsessed masters…especially when they have all the characteristics of a cat lady.
If you, or someone you know, can answer yes to one, or more, of these signs; it’s not too late, there’s still hope. Please, get help, but you’re probably a cat lady.
Here are 10 signs you’re a cat lady, or well on your way to being one.
1. If each of your cats has their own Facebook page.
If you communicate [on Facebook] more with your cats than actual human friends, it’s pretty safe to say you’re social life is in shambles and you’re a cat lady.
2. You’re definitely a cat lady if you watch, and record, every episode of “Cats 101” on Animal Planet.
If something prevents that (say the power goes out), you have a nervous breakdown, jump in your car and drive to the nearest hotel with cable, not satellite.
Better make sure it’s pet friendly.
3. You don’t let the FedEx guy leave until he’s met, and said “hello” to each of your seven ‘babies;’ you’s a scary cat lady.
Have you noticed the FedEx delivery guy acting oddly the past few months?
Does he jump out of his delivery truck, sprint to your front door, toss the package and run back to his truck as if he just tossed a grenade at the front of the enemy’s barracks?
If so, it’s most likely due to the fact that you completely creep him out and can’t bear to be caught in your cat twilight zone for fear of never returning.
4. You believe that, when a cat purrs, an angel gets its wings.
If the sounds of playful meows and the feel of purr-induced vibrations makes you giddy; you’re not only a cat lady, but a crazy cat lady.
The only hope for you is shock therapy and a few hours of waterboarding. But even then the chances of recovery aren’t looking good.
5. It’s Friday night and you’re not going out dancing, getting drinks with friends, or doing anything considered a social norm.
Nope, you’re staying in with your pets and celebrating Mitten’s 8th birthday.
You most likely helped Whiskers and CoCo find the perfect gift for Mitten’s, but we won’t tell, buying gifts can be a difficult thing!
Hopefully Mittens doesn’t find out what his gifts are, or you’ll have to do what you did last year and take them all to PetCo for treats.
6. You dream of cats.
If you’ve been taking a foreign language for years, say German, and all of a sudden one morning you wake up and realize you’re dreams were mostly in German, then that’s a good thing.
It means all your years of practicing has become so normal that your brain can jump from English to German, even when sleeping. Well, if you replace the German with cats, it’s a whole new litter box.
If you dream that everyone else, such as employees at your local grocery store, are cats that do the same duties as humans; it’s time to wake up and smell the catnip.
It’s bad enough you’re a cat lady during the day and now that the felines have infiltrated your brain, you don’t have much time left.
7. You take pictures of every angle of your cat.
If you spend entire afternoons pampering your cat, only to spend the entire evening hosting your very own cat-photo shoot…you’re a crazy photo-loving cat lady.
You probably, not only need Dr. Phil, but Oprah as well. Leave the catwalks and photo shoots to the professionals and models.
8. You only hang out with cat-approved friends and refuse to even speak with people who don’t donate at least fifty dollars every time they see an ASPCA commercial.
If you couldn’t afford a litter box, you’d want someone to help you out…wouldn’t you?
Ghetto kitty with a knife will find you.
9. When you’ve had a busy day of herding stray cats to add to the collection in your escape-proof fenced backyard, you decide to relax with a bottle of wine.
But you could never relax until you make sure your cats are relaxed as well.
Which you accomplish by pouring each of them a tall glass of organic goat’s milk (not too hot, but not too cold either).
10. You include your love for cats in every aspect of your online dating profile.
You do this to make sure that whoever is interested in you is completely aware that you have a passion for cats.
But thinking logically, you’ll probably be single for the rest of your life so your time will most likely be better spent on Whisker’s Facebook page.
Dealing with, and combating PTCLD (Post Traumatic Cat-Lady Disorder) can be challenging, seemingly impossible and even scary, but the earlier you seek help, the better chance you’ll have at overcoming this serious psychological disorder.
If you’re an in-denial cat lady, or see nothing wrong with the fact that you, yourself, are considered a cat lady, there’s no hope for you and should expect to live the rest of your days amongst litter boxes and more cats than both state and federal law permits.
But hey, if that makes you happen; go for it. Life’s short and there’s no sense in doing something so unnatural like spending time with humans.
You’ve probably already seen some of these, but here’s a couple cat videos to paw at.
LET ME IN THE @$%&$#$ DOOR!!
Can’t Hug Every Cat
Cat on Drugs
This is what happens after I give my cat too much catnip.
Cat Scratch Fever: What You Lookin’ At??
Chinese cat shows off its flexibility and alleviates its excessively itchy skin.
P.S. Don’t forget to share this article with that special cat lady in your life!